ME

I DO IT AGAIN.. why?? why now.. why can't i wait for few more month?? don't i enjoying my life for the last few month.. why i have to spoil it?? i have repeatly told myself not to fall into the same problem again.. i have been avoiding it for so long.. why can't i wait!! now is not the best time for this... here i am.. stupid me!!

what do you do when you are upset?? some people might drunk themself with booze.. some eat ferociously.. or gyming maybe.. or crying their heart out..

as for me.. i smoke!! I smoke untill my lung can't take it anymore.. i know it.. i have a weak lung and bad throat.. my throat have been hurt before.. don't i remember my throat have been badly hurt as recent as two years ago.. i have lost my voice for few days.. and for once.. i almost lost my life because of breathing problem..

soo.. why do i do it again..?? because this is me.. when i upset.. only smoking can release my tension.. without it.. i will be crazy.. i know i am not a happy man.. the fact is.. i am very very moody person.. i can turn from cheerful to sad in just a split second... and because of this.. i need to choose something to control myself.. that is smoke!!

sometimes.. i just think.. isn't it a good idea if i could just sleep and never wake up again.. i have no reason to life.. my life have no meaning at all.. i felt so lonely..

my friend told me blogging can help to calm yourself.. i hope this is true..